Crazy?
by onemorehandmedown
Summary: AU in which Dean dies during 2.01. John thinks that Sam is going insane under the weight of his grief but is he really?


Disclaimer: I write for fun and fancy to please old Nancy. I do not own Supernatural - that would be Kripke and co.

**  
Crazy?**

Sam stood at the door to Dean's room with tears in his eyes. Inside, several nurses and a doctor swarmed around the bed. Dean's heart had stopped and if he wasn't on a respirator he probably would have stopped breathing too. Sam shook with pent up emotion. There were so many things he'd never said to Dean.

_  
I never thanked him for all the sacrifices he made for me._

_  
Does he know how much I love him?_

The doctor zapped Dean with the defibrillator for what seemed like the millionth time. Once again, he didn't respond.

As Sam's world began to disintegrate around him, a well known figure materialised in front of him. His screams subsided and he calmed, looking into that loving pair of green eyes. Maybe Dean's body was dead but his brother was not gone.

***

**3 Months Later.**

Sam sat sullenly in the passenger seat of John's truck. His father thought he was a mental case. One more day cooped up with John and Sam thought he might just lose it for real. They had never been known for getting along and without Dean to step into the middle of their arguments they were fighting worse than ever. Oh, Dean tried to intervene, but he just wasn't very good at kicking Sam out of the driver's seat yet. He seemed to need Sam to be tired, sick, panicking or willing in order to take control. A few times, when Dean had got really worked up, he'd managed to take control by sheer force but it wasn't easy and he still hadn't worked out how to do it at will. So Sam would end up with two people yelling at him – one in front of him and the other inside his head.

_  
What did you expect Sammy? Dad can't see me, he can't hear me and he burned my body so as far as he's concerned there's no way I could still be around._

_  
Why are you still around?_

_  
I have no idea. Do you want to get rid of me little brother?_

_  
No. _Sam admitted. _I'm glad you're still here. I just don't like being called insane._

_  
Well why were you speaking to me out loud then? You don't need to, and I wish you wouldn't. It echoes in here when you do that._

_  
I know, that's why I was doing it. You were being annoying._

_  
So you made it echo? _Dean's tone was incredulous

_  
Well I can't exactly slap you can I?_

_  
Well, aren't you a charmer. Where's he taking us anyway?_

_  
I dunno, probably the loony bin._

_  
That is so not happening._

***

Wherever John was intending on taking Sam, they didn't reach it that first day. It was about 8pm when John pulled up at a cheap motel and rented a room.

"Come on Sam, we're in room 15."

Sam didn't reply. He hadn't spoken to John since his father had caught him talking to Dean. He took his bag from the trunk and walked to the room in silence.

"Sam, stop ignoring me! I know you're pissed at me but I'm just trying to help you."

The only reply Sam gave him was a glare. _You call this helping me? At least tell me where we're going._

_  
Don't bother Sam._ Dean advised._ Where do you think you got the stubborn ass gene from?_

If Sam wasn't wary of giving John any more reason to think he wasn't all there he would have rolled his eyes. Instead he just pushed past his father and flopped down on the bed furthest from the door. After a year of travelling with Dean it just seemed natural.

He lay there for nearly half an hour, completely ignoring John, until Dean could stand it no longer.

_  
Sam, this is stupid. And it's boring. What about having a drink and shooting some pool? Huh? There has to be a bar around here somewhere._

_  
I don't feel like it._

_  
Then let me drive. You can sit here out the back and brood to your hearts content._

Sam considered the idea for a moment. Why not let Dean have some fun?

_  
Fine, but behave yourself. In case you haven't noticed, I don't have a cast iron stomach._

Sam closed his eyes and relaxed, letting Dean take over.

"Dad, I'm going out for a drink. Don't wait up."

John gave him an odd look. "Christo."

_  
He knows you're not me._

Dean rolled his eyes. "Christo to you too." He walked out.

_  
Did you know he thought you might be possessed? _Dean asked as he made his way across the motel parking lot.

_  
No, but I'm not exactly surprised. I'm more surprised that he hasn't tried to exorcise you._

_  
Let him try. I'm going nowhere._

***

Sam tried to just rest and let Dean have his fun, he really did. But when Dean started chatting up a girl that Sam wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole – no, forget that, a hundred foot pole – he had to remind Dean exactly whose body it was.

_  
Dean, you are NOT getting into __her__ pants!_

_  
What's the problem?_

_  
There are laws against doing that sort of thing with animals!_

_  
What are you trying to say? _Dean sounded more amused than offended.

_  
Dude, she looks like a horse._

Dean stifled a laugh. _Sammy, don't get your panties in a twist. I have no intention of getting into bed with her. There's something sort of sick about the idea of going to bed with a girl while I'm wearing your body. I think I'll just stick to charming her._

_  
Thank God._

_  
Dean is just fine bro._

***

All in all it wasn't that bad a night, although Dean couldn't resist doing some hustling, which didn't end well. They had been chased from the bar by three heavily muscled, downright nasty looking men who were seriously pissed off at being parted from their money. On the upside, they'd managed to escape without getting beaten up, though some poor woman got the fright of her life when she looked out her window to see Dean tearing across her back yard with a steady stream of curses issuing from his mouth.

The curses had less to do with the fact he was being chased and more to do with the fact that unused to Sam's body he kept tripping over his own feet.

_  
How the hell do you manage to stay upright on these friggin stilts?_

_  
Just run Dean! We can talk about my stilts when we've finished being chased by a pack of bloodthirsty madmen!_

***

The second day of the road trip to God-knows-where was much the same as the first. Sam refused to speak to or even pay any attention to John, preferring to stare out the window and watch the scenery.

It was about 2pm when they crossed the border into Kansas. That caught Sam's interest. Surely they weren't going back to Lawrence? As the day wore on and all signs seemed to point towards the place Sam was forced to concede that they were indeed going home. He started to wonder why.

Missouri.

Maybe John was taking him to see Missouri. That could actually be a really good thing. Missouri of all people should be able to tell that he wasn't crazy.

_  
You might think it's a good thing. Frankly I'm not all that hot on the idea of being chewed out every time I turn around._

_  
Well don't piss her off then._

_  
That's easy for you to say. She loves you. Me on the other hand, I can't seem to do anything right._

_  
Look at it this way: at least it's not the madhouse._

_  
True._

***

As it turned out, Sam was right. By 5pm John was bringing the truck to a stop outside Missouri's house.

Sam stood silently while John rang the bell. Missouri answered it in a flash, almost as if she'd been waiting for them. She probably had.

"John, good to see you!" Missouri had him wrapped in a hug before he could protest.

"And Sam! I was sorry to hear about your brother."

She smiled sympathetically at Sam and took his hand in her own. An odd expression came over her face at the contact and she gazed intently at Sam for a moment.

"Hello Dean."

***

John paced the kitchen looking agitated and confused. Sam watched, glad that someone realised he wasn't losing his marbles. He smiled wryly. Sometimes he wondered if he'd even had marbles to start with.

"I don't understand. I burned his body, he should have moved on." John was saying.

"John, surely you of all people should know how strong the bond between those boys is. Dean won't move on until Sam is ready to go with him, whether that's ninety days or ninety years."

"You don't understand. He's been having conversations with the voices in his head. How do you know Sam hasn't just cracked it out of grief?"

Missouri sighed. "Come on, both of you into the bathroom. I'm going to show you something John, and then maybe you'll believe I know what I'm talking about."

She turned and strode towards said bathroom, not even bothering to check they were following. She didn't need to – Sam didn't dare disobey Missouri and, by the way he was scurrying along in her wake, John felt much the same way.

In the bathroom Missouri turned on the light and told Sam to stand in front of the mirror. For a few seconds it was the reflection Sam had expected to see. Then it wavered and blurred, splitting in two. It slowly came back into focus, revealing not just Sam but a slightly shorter figure standing beside him. Dean was smiling, wearing the same clothes he'd had on when he was attacked by Yellow Eyes, but there was no blood. The image came as little surprise to Sam, only confirming what he'd already suspected, but John's shock was written all over his face.

"There you are John. As you can see, there are two souls in Sam's body, his own and Dean's. That voice in his head that you say he's been talking to most likely belongs to his brother."

Completely ignoring them, Sam smiled at Dean who smiled back, eyes sparkling.

_  
Looks like you're stuck with me Sammy._

_  
I wouldn't let you leave if you could._


End file.
